he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
