I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dear god my vagina.
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