my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think people are normalizing furries
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
