Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sex in a hospital.. check
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
