i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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