Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
