I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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