well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
