Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
