They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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