i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"