Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
