I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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