I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
