The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
