oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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