she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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