he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
