By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
