I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
