omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They have beer where we have blood.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
