dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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