My hand turned me down
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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