Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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