Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.

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(407): View more from Florida

Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.

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(708): View more from Illinois

just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

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(231): View more from Michigan

I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do

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(305): View more from Florida

Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?

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(802): View more from Vermont

How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him

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