we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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