You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
