did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
