There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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