I accidentally burped into my bong.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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