textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
