i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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