Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
