I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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