my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
