speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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