I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
