I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
