Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up under a house in Key West
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