Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
