No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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