We named our party play list daddy issues
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
