somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
