South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize