Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
40s are totally the cure
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
