if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
