I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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