I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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