We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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