u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
