Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
