he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
