i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
