I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
