This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
