Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
