You smell like a Billy Joel song
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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