I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
