i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm passing your future prison.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
