I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
