He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
