Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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