i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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