I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
