but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Are we still banned from the library?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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