A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
