I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
