toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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