I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
