thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
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