whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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