Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
