i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All the doctor said was why
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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